


What remains unsaid

by sserpente



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Happy Ending, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren Redemption, Kylo Ren in Love, No reylo, Sith!Reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:40:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27423622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sserpente/pseuds/sserpente
Summary: “I did not come here to fight. I’m looking for someone.”“You’re looking for someone?” He repeated unbelievingly. “Listen, the First Order—““No, wait… I think I know who that is. She was with Kylo Ren.” You recognised the man speaking. His name was Poe Dameron. The First Order had kidnapped and interrogated him a few years back, on the Finalizer.“So she’s a Sith?!”“Yeah, she’s a Sith. Go get Rey. I think I know who she’s looking for.”Back then, you had not chosen your fate, not chosen to become a Sith and have the most powerful man in the galaxy—back then the Commander of the First Order—teach you the ways of the Force. But you had chosen to become lovers, had chosen, on that very fateful night during your training, to kiss. To act on the growing bond between you.
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Reader, Ben Solo/Reader, Kylo Ren/Reader
Kudos: 8





	What remains unsaid

**Author's Note:**

> It’s done! Finally! And here I was thinking it would be another shorter Imagine. I was so wrong. So many people have been requesting some Kylo Ren/Ben Solo fluff, so here you go. I had the idea for this story a while ago, and then I just couldn’t stop writing! Enjoy, my lovelies! ♥

Moaning in pain, you dragged yourself forward. _Keep going, keep going._ There was a high chance that by nightfall, the wild animals in this forest would track you down following the fresh blood trail. Until then, you _had_ to find him—them. Whoever he was with.

The bark of the high tree felt rough against your palm when you leaned against it to support your knees which threatened to not support you any longer. The forest was brightening. _Something_ had to be at the other end.

The crew of the ship offering to drop you off on D’Qar had hoodwinked you—all you knew about flying ships was what Kylo had told you a long time ago. After killing them all for their attempt to sell you off as a slave, you barely managed to stir the damaged ship into the depths of the forest where no one would question your arrival.

At this point, you did not care about being discovered though. You needed a first-aid kit, food and water, and, if the Resistance’ hospitality went any further than that, a warm bed to get some rest in. When you stepped into the clearing, it took them only seconds to raise the alarm. Blasters were aimed at you, creatures and humans alike staring at you suspiciously.

Your fingertips were itching, urging you on to reach for the red lightsabre attached to your belt and activate it, to return the threat they were posing to you.

“Drop your weapon or we’ll shoot! Who are you? Identify yourself!” _Huh._ So that was what had become of FN-2187.

You resisted the need to roll your eyes in response, despite the pain pumping through your veins.

“I did not come here to fight. I’m looking for someone.”

“You’re looking for someone?” He repeated unbelievingly. “Listen, the First Order—“

“No, wait… I think I know who that is. She was with Kylo Ren.” You recognised the man speaking. His name was Poe Dameron. The First Order had kidnapped and interrogated him a few years back, on the Finalizer.

“So she’s a Sith?!”

“Yeah, she’s a Sith. Go get Rey. I think I know who she’s looking for.” Two of Poe’s companions hurried away to do as they were asked all the while Finn approached you to take your weapon. You glared at him in response, knowing it would do no good for you to put up a fight… _yet._

“Come on, move. Keep your hands where I can see them.” Finn didn’t lower his blaster. You could not blame him—but that did not change the fact you longed to use the Force to throw him against one of those high trees and strangle him until he grovelled.

Yes, you had been with Kylo Ren. As his partner in crime. His apprentice. Back then, you had not chosen your fate, not chosen to become a Sith and have the most powerful man in the galaxy—back then the Commander of the First Order—teach you the ways of the Force. But you _had_ chosen to become lovers, had chosen, on that very fateful night during your training, to kiss. To act on the growing bond between you.

-

_They had circled you. Your friends and neighbours, people you had grown up with—people who had raised you, crammed together. The anger was boiling just below the surface, like an active volcano, but there was also fear. Fear of death, fear of the end._

_Your life had only just begun. Ever since you had accidentally lifted that pot in your adoptive father’s kitchen with nothing but the force of your mind. The Force. No one but your adoptive father knew. And how could they? If they did… you would be in grave danger—as you were now. How could the Force be of help now? You swallowed thickly, waiting for the inevitable pain, those last moments of your life before your lights would be extinguished forever._

_Quick-witted, you threw yourself on the ground when the first shots echoed through the air, threatening to rip apart your eardrums. You landed on a warm body, its warm blood pouring from a wound right above the heart. Whoever he was, he was dead. The adrenaline in your veins suppressed a gag reflex when you collected some of the almost black liquid with your palm and spread it all over your neck, squeezing your eyes shut and… going limb._

_It remained quiet for minutes._

_Your heart was pounding in your chest when you heard the heavy footsteps approaching the pile of corpses. Holding your breath so your stomach would not heave, you forced your body not to move an inch—not until you felt the hot blade of a red lightsabre, dangerously close to your neck. You screamed when it began to singe your sensitive skin, leaving behind a fresh burn wound._

_You should have known better than to try and deceive the most powerful Force user you knew existed in the galaxy. He had sensed your own Force-sensitivity—and after taking you to Starkiller Base, offered you a way out, guidance for wielding the overwhelming power growing within you._

_“I sense… fascination. You are not afraid of me.” He had stated, his modulated voice through the mask not giving away a single emotion. He was right. That was the scary part._

_“You feel it too. The pull to the Dark Side. Give in to it. You need a teacher. Someone who can show you the ways of the Force.”_

-

“Who? What’s her name?”

“I don’t know,” Poe said. “She used to train under Kylo Ren. She’s looking for him.”

Rey—this girl who had brought Kylo so much trouble, stood proudly outside of the makeshift tents—a provisory holding area. Her gaze was hardly hostile when it met yours, however, her suspicion was clearly palpable.

It didn’t matter. _She_ didn’t matter. Not when the man you had been separated from during that fateful night Palpatine died stepped out of the tent as well. His black robes were missing, as was his mask. Kylo was wearing no more than his long black undershirt, along with tight black trousers and boots. His lips parted, brown eyes widening when he saw you.

The very real threat of Finn’s blaster right behind you became insignificant. Gasping, you stormed forward, practically throwing yourself at him. Kylo’s arms wrapped around your body tightly, his face buried in your neck.

“I thought you died.” He mumbled into your hair, inhaling your scent. Trembling, you shook your head, allowing him to push you an arm-length away to look you in the eye. All of the curious eyes on you, you simply ignored.

“I didn’t,” Your smile was weak but genuine. “Kylo… why are you here? What happened?” You had expected him to be a prisoner here… not a peaceful resident.

“Ben.” He said.

You frowned. “What?”

“Call me Ben. That’s… it’s a long story. I’ll tell you inside. You’re bleeding.”

_-_

_Kylo dodged your attack effortlessly. You had been training for hours. Sweat was dripping off your forehead, your hair sticking to your face and neck all the while he did not at all seem exhausted. The red lightsabre he had given you was a present. Somehow, the Supreme Leader of the First Order had found your birth certificate—and he had even surprised you with cake._

_Perhaps you were one of the few people in this galaxy who had ever seen Kylo Ren laugh. You did it a lot, together. Especially when frustration got the better of you and you landed on the cold metal ground, yet another bruise added to your collection._

_“You’re not focused,” Kylo reprimanded. “What’s distracting you? Don’t fight the Force. Embrace it. Use it to your advantage.”_ Give in to the pull of the Dark Side…, _he would say._ Let it make you strong.

 _With a loud battle cry, you lunged at him again. It was your_ passion _and_ love _for him which gave you power, electricity cursing through your veins. But once again, Kylo was faster._

 _You landed on top of him when your weight momentarily cost him his balance and he pulled you to the ground with him, with you wrapping your legs around his before he flipped you over to keep the upper hand. Your faces were only mere inches from one another. You were panting,_ grinning _—and you could feel his hot breath on your lips. Kylo was the one who had started the kiss. It was the first out of many when his mouth came crashing down on yours, lust and want getting the better of him._

-

After you had told him how you barely survived the explosion, fled and then bribed that shady crew of that ship to bring you straight to D’Qar, Rey entered the tent mutely, putting her hand on Kylo’s shoulder as if giving him the support he would need after listening to your story.

“You are welcome to stay with us.” She said, squeezing his shoulder even tighter. Your eyes wandered to her clenched fingers before locking with Kylo’s again, something inside your chest cracking like a piece of glass. It seemed like he had a lot to tell you, too. He took a deep and shaky breath.

-

Had it been a good idea to come here? Before you realised just what it was that Kylo… _Ben_ , you corrected yourself, shared with Rey, it had seemed like the right thing, the only thing to do. Kylo Ren had been all you had left, after all. He was your teacher, your guardian, your _lover_ … but that was in the past now. Biting back the tears welling up in your eyes, you wandered along the Riverbend. They had not returned your lightsabre to you, of course—not until they were sure they could trust you. You were still a Sith, after all. And unlike Ben Solo, you had not returned to the Light because of your one true love. _No._ You had turned to the _Dark Side_ for the man you loved.

Several weeks had gone by since your arrival on D’Qar but the Resistance, apart from Kylo, whom you tried to spend as much time with as you possibly could, remained hostile towards you. You stayed an outsider—a lone survivor of the First Order, unable to cause any harm the peace they had built again across the galaxy.

Kylo was not an outsider anymore, not really. Thanks to Rey, the Resistance had much faster accepted him again. You could tell they didn’t exactly love him for what he had done in the past—but at least, they did not turn their backs on him and snarl when he approached.

-

 _You sat there on a log, panting, sweat making your clothes stick to your body. Kylo…_ Ben _… sat next to you, your sticks, for you were not being trusted with a real weapon yet, discarded on the grass after an exhausting and taxing training session._

_You had missed this—switching off the whole galaxy for a bit, letting your body control your entire existence for the sake of getting stronger._

_Your fights relaxed you, in a way. Back on the Finalizer, you would lean against him after, closing your eyes and bathing in his presence, alone and unobserved from unwanted eyes. Here, out in the open, anyone could be watching you._

_“My mother is dead.” He suddenly said. Your eyes widened. Kylo had told you about how he killed his father in the hopes of stopping his pain… you had been there to comfort him after the destruction of Starkiller Base… but Leia… he had not have the heart to kill Leia too. You had not seen her since your arrival on D’Qar. Kylo had never told you why that was._

_“I’m sorry…”_

_“Rey said she took the last of her strength to bring Ben… to bring_ me _back.”_

_“And it worked.”_

_“At a price…” Your eyes met. His gaze was so vulnerable you could not resist the urge to cup his cheek and stroke it gently. He did not have to say it._

_“It’s not your fault.” You always knew what was on his mind. It connected you, with or without the Force. There was one thing Rey could never compare to. She’d never understand him the way you did._

_Your faces were only inches from one another, his breath brushing against your lips. Almost hypnotised, your eyes fell shut and you leaned forward to kiss him, giving in to that invisible rope pulling you towards him with too much force for you to resist against._

_But then… he pulled away as if your touch had singed his skin. The turmoil in his eyes was clearly visible. He was torn—between Rey and you. But what was it really that he felt for Rey? Was it the same thing he felt for you? Or was their Force bond a different kind of connection, one he only mistook for love and romantic affection?_

-

Rey had said that if Ben could be turned, then so could you. More tears. You swallowed them angrily. You had no interest in giving up the power your Sith-existence gave you. It was all you had left now. The only reason you hadn’t lashed out at them yet was Kylo… _Ben._

And as much as you hated Rey, you could not ruin this for him. You loved him way too much—and it was pure agony not to be able to act on those intense feelings again, to hug him intimately, cuddle him at night and use his big and warm body as a safe haven, to _kiss_ him…

-

 _“So your name is (Y/N), right?” Your lack of response should have been enough of a hint for Rey to understand you were not interested in starting a conversation with her._ You _, you thought,_ you caused Kylo so much trouble, so much pain and so much agony… you made him question everything. You hurt him, called him a monster… and now you kiss him like nothing bad ever happened between you. Like you never wounded him deadly. _But you said none of these things. Instead, you gave her a court nod._

 _“We’ve… never really spoken about us. About Ben and me, I mean. He told me you were…”_ In love? You remained silent. _“You have to understand… he thought you had died. When we… what happened on Exegol, it bonded us. Ben made a decision that day. I love him for it.”_

 _Biting back your tears, you turned away from her so she wouldn’t see your watery eyes. “You love_ Ben. _” You finally replied, fighting for composure. “You never loved him as Kylo. I did. I see the same man in front of me now, the man I’ve always seen. In your eyes, he has made the wrong choices—and maybe he has. But his name doesn’t matter. He is the man I love.” Rey opened her mouth to reply but you wouldn’t let her. Determined, you stood. “Just do me one favour, yes? Listen to him. Always listen to him.”_

-

You sank down on a rock by the river when the first sob escaped your lips. You were suffering. The pain you had felt during the explosion was _nothing_ compared to the pain residing deep within your chest now. _No._

It had _not_ been a good idea to return to him. Sooner than later, you would have to leave—if anything, to save what was left of your broken heart.

You sat there for a while, crying your eyes out and face buried in your hands. The cold water of the river was gushing all over your black boots, the light wind tearing at your hair. If you had never returned, you wouldn’t have to see Kylo— _your_ Kylo—kiss another woman and look at her like she was the brightest star in the galaxy now. He used to look at you like this, once upon a time. It suddenly seemed like an eternity ago.

-

_You still had those nightmares, of course. Of this one, fateful night in which you had lost everything—your home, your family, your friends… and instead started a new life on Starkiller Base and later, the Finalizer. With Kylo Ren._

_It was the fear of death and destruction that haunted you at night, making you wake up screaming and bathed in sweat, your hair sticking to your skin. You remembered the first time Kylo had made them go away, simply by resting his palm against your forehead like a magician. You had fallen asleep against him that night. From then on… you had shared a bed._

_Tonight, your desperate screams probably roused the entire Resistance base—but you couldn’t care less. Your inner demons tormented you… Resistance fighters were nothing compared to the horrors inside your mind when you closed your eyes at night._

_But you did not expect Kylo to show up. He approached you without a word, wearing no more than long and comfortable trousers and a short-sleeved shirt complimenting his strong arms. You suppressed a sob when he got in bed with you, pulling you against his warm body._

_“N-no…” Your protest was weak. You did not_ want _him to leave. But how was this right? Knowing he had probably left the bed he shared with Rey to come here and comfort you?_

_Kylo shushed you as you felt yourself relax into him, embracing his touch. Surely, you only imagined the light kiss he pressed to your skin. You could hardly put in words how much you still loved him._

_-_

“There, there… it’s such a beautiful day today. What makes a pretty girl like you so sad?” There was an old woman standing before you when you looked up. You almost snorted. Normally, with the Force, you’d detect any being approach you from miles away, for Heaven’s sake…

She wasn’t human, rather… humanoid, though you could not exactly name her species, and she was carrying a wooden wheelbarrow full of junk. Stranded goods and other pretty much useless things she had picked up all over the galaxy. She must have been one of those trash-traders, for that’s what you called them.

“Take a look,” she said when she caught you staring. “You never know what gems you might find.”

“I don’t have any money. Besides, I really doubt—“ You halted, catching a glimpse of something long, black and shiny peeking out from between two broken tins. “W-what is that?”

“Oh this?” She smirked. “I found it on Kef Bir, in the sand. Must have been washed up by the sea. Go on, take a look at it.”

Vigorously, you reached for the metal weapon. Without a doubt—it was Kylo’s lightsabre. A gasp of pure joy escaped your lips, your cold fingers clutching the black metal tightly. Your thumb found that little, fateful button—and it hummed and sputtered to life.

“I… I don’t think I can pay you.”

“Money is not the only thing of value in this galaxy. Can you offer me a trade?” She screeched.

Your free hand, for the other was still holding the lightsabre like your life depended on it, absentmindedly wandered to the necklace around your neck. It was made of titanium, a gift from your adoptive father. You had _never_ taken it off before.

But this would be worth it. This was Kylo’s lightsabre. You could not let it wander about the galaxy in a bloody wheelbarrow. So you took it off, handing it to her before you could change your mind.

“Thank you, my dear. You made an old hag happy.”

A polite smile tugged at your lips when you nodded at her. Deactivating the lightsabre, you made your way back to the base with quick steps.

“Kylo! Kylo, where are you? Kylo?”

“ _Ben_ ,” a sharp voice insisted as it walked past to meet Poe somewhere in the landing area. “It’s Ben.” It was Rey. Just this time, however, you decided to ignore her. You had not grown used to calling him Ben yet.

“I’m here.”

Spinning around, you beamed at him like an entire solar system.

“Look! Look what I found!” Proudly, you showed him the lightsabre but unlike sharing your joy and reciprocating your first genuine smile in weeks, his expression darkened.

“Where did you get that?”

“A trash-trader found it on Kef Bir, and it’s still functioning!”

“No… no, get rid of it.”

Your face fell. “W-what?”

“I said get rid of it. It’s no longer… _I’m_ no longer… get rid of it.”

“K-Kylo… I-I mean… _Ben…_ ”

He flicked his hand vigorously with a pained expression, sending the lightsabre flying through the air and landing in the grass a few feet away from you and making you flinch. It was only then he noticed that something was missing.

“Where is your necklace?”

“I…” Once again, your eyes filled with tears. _Damn those emotions!_ “I have no money so I had to trade it for something…”

His lips parted.

“Ey, Solo! We need your help here!” Dameron shouted, interrupting you abruptly.

“Ben, we have a problem with the accelerator!” Rey added.

Kylo gave you a look. A look which, back as the Supreme Leader, meant— _do not move until I’m back to tend to any unfinished business I have with you._ Your lower lip was shaking when he turned away. Of course it was her, it would always be her, no?

Tears swam in your eyes, worsening your sight when you saw them steal a quick kiss from each other from the corners of your eye. You barely noticed stretching out your hand for the lightsabre to return to your hand using the Force. Not until you looked down at it sadly, hid it in your jacket and came to a grave decision.

You would leave D’Qar. _Today._

About to turn around to pack the spare pair of trousers and the warmer jacket they had given you, you were caught off guard and surprised for the second time of the day now. Finn stood before you, arms crossed before his chest. He was the one who despised you the most around here.

“Give it to me.” He demanded coldly. You narrowed your eyes at him.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Give me the lightsabre.”

“Get out of my way.”

“I said give me that lightsabre!”

“Get out of my way!” You yelled. The fast movement of your arm came faster than you anticipated. Finn was hauled off the ground, crashing into a pile of wooden boxes. The noise was ear-piercing. Next thing you knew, you felt the entire Resistance’ eyes on you—including Kylo’s.

Perhaps your few belongings didn’t matter. Not bothering to hide the tears streaming down your face anymore, you ran—back into the forest. Back to where you had come from. You were almost surprised no one tried to stop you.

-

The pain was unbearable. Like a sharp dagger, it penetrated your heart, the blade twisting until you bled out, dead on the ground. You wanted to scream, you wanted to _shout_ … you wanted to _destroy…_ anything to stop this agony from infecting your whole body.

“(Y/N)!” He had found you then. Kylo always found you. You might not have shared the same Force bond he shared with Rey but he could _hear_ you, if he wished. Your thoughts were _powerful_ , he had said once.

“I’m leaving, Ben.” _The pain… it’s too much,_ you added mutely. There was no need for him to apologise. But so many things had changed. In fact, you had never verbally spoken about him getting together with Rey. Your romance had been over the moment he had gotten rid of his lightsabre on Kef Bir—the very one you were now hiding away in your pocket. The urge to drive it through the tree bark and sawing up the whole forest rose with every second. What was wrong with you?

You sobbed when you felt his strong arms grabbing your shoulders, spinning you around to face him. He gasped, eyes widening when his eyes locked with yours. They were _yellow._

“(Y/N)… fight it. Listen to me. You’re stronger than this. _Please._ ”

You were still crying, his hands on your body only making the pain worse.

“I don’t want to lose you…” He said, desperate.

“Lose me? Didn’t… didn’t you already? You have Rey, K-Ben.”

“She’s not… you’re _mine._ ” He whispered, cupping your face with his big hands. Their warmth always comforted you—no matter _where_ they touched you.

His lips came crashing down on yours before you could respond. Sobbing, you wrapped your arms around him, allowing him to lift you up and carry you, finally giving in to what you had been holding back on for the past weeks. Suddenly, it was clear—it was so clear the knowledge almost hurt physically. He _still loved you._

Kylo’s tongue slipped into your mouth, battling yours for dominance and stealing your breath away with every passionate flick as if he were to suffocate if he didn’t. He pressed you against a tree, trapping you between the trunk and his strong body. Moaning, you buried your fingers in his black hair, pulling at it fervently.

By the time he released you to catch your breath, both your lips were swollen.

“Come with me.” You breathed out, right against his lips. “We could go anywhere.”

“No,” he replied darkly, looking deeply into your yellow eyes. You were not beyond saving yet. “Not yet. Stay with me. Here. I can feel how the Dark Side is still luring you… pulling you away. You don’t need its power.” It went against everything he had ever taught you on the Finalizer. So why did you agree, with a start?

“W-what do I need then?” You whispered weakly in response, more tears worsening your sight until Ben was no more than a black dot before your eyes. There was no hesitation in his voice when he spoke, frowning slightly as if the answer was obvious.

“Me. Only me.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this story! Make sure to come say hello on my Tumblr (@sserpente) to find more of my writing! ♥


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